He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
