Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
