Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
