Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
