I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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