Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
