and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
