I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
