break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
