it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
