I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
