I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
