omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
