I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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