I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
