I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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