you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
