Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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