you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
false alarm. still invincible.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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