Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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