I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
