Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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