dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
