We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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