I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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