how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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