dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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