His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
