I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
