I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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