is your mom at the bar?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
