She is in my trunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize