you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
