I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
