Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
