We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize