I love black thongs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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