Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found puke in my bra..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
