I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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