he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
