is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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