I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
