the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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