She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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