I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
