i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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