Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
