When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
