Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
