clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
