pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
