I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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