If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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