gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
