someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize