Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
