if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
