you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
