i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
