words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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