So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
