just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
