wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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