I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
