i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
pop tarts are not kleenex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
