i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
