Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
