Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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