I'm going to jail i love you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Enjoy the penises
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize