So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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