Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
