White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
