Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
