not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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