and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
