you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize