what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
