Sorry, I don't speak sober.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
