Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
