I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
