Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
