I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
