DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
