It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
