You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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