He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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