This girl is more easily done than said...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
