The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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