when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
