I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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