so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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