Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
