The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
