just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
